I was made a very happy girl tonight (:
But like…. What now?(x
I was made a very happy girl tonight (:
But like…. What now?(x
I guess whenever I wake up. I kinda pictured you always being there for me and being by my side whenever something comes up and I can’t handle it on my own. But today, you bailed on me. It knocked some sense into me that you won’t always be there.
You say you will, but I just know that as soon as college comes in a few months, you’re off and leaving me for good. So I don’t wanna get attached to you anymore. I don’t want to be hurt again.
So the big question is, will I allow myself to get closer to you even more or just stop where I am at and let it fade away…?
I put my guard down for you before. Instead of defending me, you attacked. So now I built this wall up and this time your on the outskirts of this base and it’ll take a lot more of your efforts to put my guard down again.
But I am the one who wants to know.. I know you won’t, but I’m so afraid to.
I’m afraid of not being what you want me to be or not being good enough for you. I’m willing to make this long distance thing work, because thinking of it, you’re not even that far out but I know that once you start, you’ll change.
You won’t look back to whatever high school memory you had and, well, lets face it, I’m just another one of those memories in your senior year.
I wish I knew you before. I wish I knew you earlier. A year of having each other as friends on facebook and not even talking to one another.. its too late, isn’t? Too late to make it work and too late for us?
Answers. I just want answers…
I knew you’d read it.
Secret friends… hmm I think I can deal with that kind of relationship we have (x
Message me on FB(:
He is the fucking best
I will never get over this guy :)
im very emotional right now
I’m a strong Catholic. I’ve always believed that things happened for a reason and God sends people He knows I’ll need in my life.
You gave me those stars 3 weeks ago and the first thing I thought of was how he asked me out that way. I’m really religious and I think God may have made you do that on purpose. That instead of having me think about that bad memory he gave me with paper stars, he sent you to change the memory. So that whenever I see those stars it’s not what my ex did, it’s what you did.
Prince Charming, thank you for being here for me last night. I wouldn’t have made it through the night. I never told you what was really bothering me, but you really did lift my spirits up again.
Because, honestly, my heart ached today.. and it hasn’t for awhile and today, just thinking about it, made my heart die.
If you know me at all, you’d know I get asked that question a lot and about something or maybe someone in particular. I care because it saved my life. In my freshman year when I was struggling to get through life, it is the reason why I still went to school or kept a smile on my face.
The other night I was talking to James. I’ve been talking to him a lot lately trying to get any help I can possibly get. It’s strange how he has helped knock some sense into me about it. It.
That’s what it is. IT. So when IT came into my life, I didn’t think it would leave such an impact as it did. To be honest, no one knows my side of the story. Why do I care so much, why do I try so hard to keep IT in my life.. No one really does. I mean, I’ve told a few people here and there. I think the only person who really knows is Ian and Mason.
It’s just so hard to keep IT when everyone else is telling me to leave IT alone. It’s not like I did anything wrong, because trust me I never wanted IT to begin with. It just kinda crept up and took me by surprise.
So why do I care so much about IT?
Well, in freshman year, my parents constantly fought. It came to the point where instead of going home early after school, I was out stalking in the back of people’s cars wondering what my parents are doing and where they’re going. The same white RAV-4 with the license plate frame “******* Loves *****” kept showing up in every corner I was in and never have I seen my parents go to the same place. They always went their separate ways.
One day I decided to sneak around the house when no one was home and saw some papers on my mom’s desk. I cried as I looked at the papers.
The same night, I signed onto tumblr with bloodshot eyes and saw that Andrew passed away. He committed suicide. I thought he was smart. I thought at the moment that that was the answer to everything. So when I attempted, I couldn’t do it. I let the knife go and cut an apple instead. I washed the knife and placed it back on the knife bar.
The next morning, my parents were at it again. Fighting. This time, the papers on the desk were now in my parents hands. They asked us individually if we were okay with what is to come. No one answered. Then they said “You have a lot of friends who are what we can become.” I said no. I was the only one who gave a straightforward answer. I held the tears in but as soon as my foot stepped out of the car, I cried. I hid in the bathroom until homeroom and let my tears flow. I was afraid that I would go home and the papers would have been signed.
I didn’t know what else to do, but I knew I had to keep myself busy. Keep going. So I talked to someone who is IT. IT helped me stay busy with my life. Helped me occupy my weekends and my after school hours. IT saved me that much.
So.. Jame and Captain, if you’re reading this, this is my story. This is why I owe IT and this is why I’m so happy to have met you two.
Why today? Why not 2 months ago? You mean something to me. Maybe at the time it was different, but now, we’re different. So today during OTC, why’d you do that? Why couldn’t you just let me be? Sweet whispers in my ear as we hug for minutes at a time. Your tweets, your text messages. Wanting me to wake up to your text messages, rather than sleeping through them. I saw them. I saw the hearts, the cute emoticons you add on to it.
Captain, please don’t do this. You know my secrets already. We’ve discussed this before. So I’m putting this guard up against you now, because I put it down before and you decided to attack rather than defend…
People always ask me what my favorite animal is. I always said the white wolf..
No one seems to see the white wolf the same way I do. I feel like, if I was an Evan (Maplestory reference), instead of a dragon, I would have a wolf. It’s a part of me.
I have a history with it. I have dreams sometimes where a white wolf, covered in blood, is aiming to attack me only to back away and begin to follow me.It’s a strange dream, but I can’t help being so drawn to such a mysterious creature. So hidden, so vivacious and deadly, yet it’s company is so soothing and so compassionate..
I just thought that everything we went through you would have given the thought of us a chance. I just thought you were different in your group of friends, but you’re not. I mean, I admit, I take part credit for pushing you away. I kept saying you’ll always find a nice Vietnamese girl to make your wishes come true and who your parents will approve of and saying that, despite the efforts I put into making the image happen, I also pushed you away to see if you would chase after me. But you never did.
You always said that you’re not going to leave me, you wouldn’t forget me, you’d visit the school every chance you get because you know how much you’ll miss everyone. Then you go away, just like that, after one little word I said to you, “No.” and you let it all slip away. I just … I didn’t know I could care so much, but I didn’t know you could leave so easily.